The 2nd Annual Rat Race

Austin Smith shows em how it’s done. Photos: Brooke Geery

Ed: For this exciting coverage of the Rat Race, we had a crack team of two on hand, making sure nothing fell between the cracks. The following is an actual conversation between Brooke and Stan about the event.

Recently I’ve been shooting rats in Party Time Nate’s backyard. It’s almost as fun as snowboarding — sometimes you hit the target you were aiming for, and very rarely, you scare the rats. (We’ve only hit one and it didn’t actually die.) Why would you care about this? Because July 7th a bunch of (shred) rats gathered at Mt. Hood for the 2nd annual Rat Race and it sort of tied in. I headed up to Hood to kidnap Stan from the van for the day, and told him it was up to him to not embarrass Yobeat (On his snowboard, his stench is definitely embarrassing) as he was the only one registered.

Not sure who this is but the colors contrast nicely.

Stan here, and yes, the stench levels have reached astronomical levels, but that’s for another story. Today’s Rat Race was unnerving at the start, as I missed practice and never actually saw the course. Everyone I talked to before hand gave me really worried looks when I told them I was racing in it. This is probably because I suck at snowboarding, but I took it to mean the course was really hard.

The building anticipation of waiting in line, while simultaneously hearing the people who can actually see, scream in horror as another rider flies out of one of the several sets of tight berms, was almost enough to convince myself that I should do the pussy thing and ride through it slow. Once My testicles regained feeling though, I realized I just had to send her. Afterall, I slept only three hours and I had smoked a spliff before hand. By hapenstance I think I was the perfect amount of frothed to ride within my maximum potential… a potential that still of course, blows in comparison to most.

Blake Axelson looks fairly normal, but check his crooked arm. It looked even gnarlier when you flipped it over and realized his bone was sticking out.

Stan, you’re being too hard on yourself. Remember, Banked Slaloms are just for fun and as long as you make it down in one piece, you’re a real winner. At least, that’s what I told myself when I became a late entry. Austin Smith was actually trying to Louie Vito to race when he said “there’s still spots” but I took the opportunity and grabbed a bib anyway. I cut the line (because I had to get down and shoot some photos, of course) and took my first run. It could have gone worse. For example, I made it back up just in time to see Blake Axelson compound fracture his wrist on the whoops section. It was not pretty.

We could put a picture of Stan here, but instead, here’s Preston Strout’s racing stance.

Speaking of not pretty, I managed to fall out of the course in the exact same spot on both runs. In general though the course was a mixture of snowy surf burms, and hips that were easy to overshoot. When I actually made it to the bottom of the transformed HCSC lap park my lungs burned like a dick the morning after a railing a prostitute with a merkin…It was just once, ok!?

Oh dude Stan, you fell both runs? I think I might have a shot in the Yobeat cup! Other people who probably have a shot at winning (the whole thing) include Terje, Temple Cummins and the whole Drink Water crew (they take this shit very seriously) but with a long course and lots of room for error, it’s always tough to make the call. And honestly, between racing and trying to shoot photos, I have no recollection of who “looked fast” or whatever. Stan, do you know or should we just wait for the awards at Clear Lake and find out for real?

If I had pictures of Temple or Terje, I would put them here. Instead here’s someone looking both fashionable and stylish.

I saw Blake Paul go fast once, Spencer Schubert did the race on a snowskate and Big Mike paddled into his run. But the highlights for me were watching Hondo head plant into the second turn. I am pretty sure he gave up his number 69 bib after that and went home. Rumor also has it that Bundy may have been granted three runs, that sandbagging son of a bitch.

Blake Paul may or may not have been falling here. He still got top ten.

Now Stan, that’s not very nice. Anyway, after peeling off disgusting sweaty boots and snowboard clothes, the party moved down to Clear Lake for the awards. Austin Smith and Bryan Fox’s parents cook up a feast, Hondo and I may or may not have started a cult, and oh yeah, Terje won. Here’s some official looking results: